January 2010 Archive

Nevermore

January 4th, 2010

I rewrote Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven” to make it more relevent for the modern workaholic.

Inspired by the great Edgar Allen Poe – see his poetry here

Once upon a weekend dreary, while I worked on, weak and weary
Over many a dull and complex spreadsheet all due in the day before
While I panicked, hands a flapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping – rapping at my hotel door
“Tis but room service” I muttered, “taping at my hotel door,
Only this and nothing more”

Ah distinctly I remember, that I could just not find an answer
As my hotel cups and teapot were cast upon the wooden floor,
You could say that I dread the morrow, Yes, my time was all but borrowed
And I could not ease the horror – horror that I must do more
For no matter how I’m working I must always do some more-
Promotionless for evermore

Presently my drinks grew stronger, and my measures ever longer
Until I couldn’t stop myself, from falling to the floor
And that fact is I was slacking, my keyboard was no longer tapping
Just then laundry came a rapping – rapping at my hotel door.
I didn’t think my legs would work to walk me to the door,
So I lay there and nothing more.

Then into the bathroom turning, my mouth and throat within me burning,
Soon again I heard a rapping somewhat louder than before
“Surely,” said I, “that’s a housemaid at the front door annex;
“I can’t let them see the mess and all the vomit on the floor
“Let my guts be still a moment and this girl ignore”
So I lay there and nothing more

Open here they flung the shutter, and with many a wretch and shudder,
In here stepped the manager with his evil look of yore.
Not in the least permissive was he, nor understanding my reasoning,
Said they’d send the cleaning bill to an address I’d used before,
And threw me on the street and I was banned for evermore
Cast me out and nothing more.